Hi Mom, I'm gay!

1. My sexual orientation has nothing to do with obsessions, like the rest of this blog, so I apologize up front.

2. This is probably the only time you will hear me wax philosophical on the gay thing, as I think it is a stupid a thing to pick on as the color of a person's eyes. (even if there is only one person who reads this thing anyway).

Those guidelines being set, I identify as a lesbian. To put you through some history, I do have a biological aunt who is gay (although she was in the military for 20 yrs and has never said it, I just KNOW). So, there is the possibility that it is hereditary. .. but who cares if it is or not anyway? Second, my first girlfriend was the first lesbian I ever met. Ok, to be honest, I had probably met others, I just wasn't privy to this fact at the time. So she was the first outed lesbian I had met. Fast forward a bit, because that relationship is really for another blog (or 10), to the part where I tell you that I am not a gay activist. Sometimes it seems that the two go hand in hand.

Let me explain. The aforementioned girlfriend was my "introduction" into what it means to be gay. I was with her for awhile, and to my recollection, it was months, if not a year or so, before I even met another gay person, and probably another five years before I immersed myself in gay culture. Anyway, she was out. . .her friends and family knew that she was gay. While that's a huge thing for a not-yet 18 year old to have the courage to admit to family, it's still pretty closeted. Why do I say that? Because walk with her down a street and it wasn't like she'd hold you hand or anything. To any stranger we were just two friends. She wasn't above doing something for shock value in public, but that's another story again. I met another gay woman a short time later, and she was also out to her family and friends, but was not overt about it either. This made me believe two things: its ok for your friends to know, but hide it from strangers.

Well, the coming out to my mother didn't go well. She's ok with it now, but then, she and most of my family thought it was a phase. Hell, maybe I would have thought the same thing. My friends, they were easier to win over. As a matter of fact, the one that I had the most trouble convincing, well she turned out to be gay too, so ha on her! But I digress. Basically, my roots in gay life were not civic at all. Sure, the marriage thing came up. Or over the course of time a random hand hold in public would set off some stranger and they would say something like "disgusting!" or "abomination!" I learned that I was different. Different in a way that the president found it necessary to strip my rights from me. Different in a way that I would be discriminated against. Shocking, in the 21st century, right?

So I decided I wanted to go to a pride event. The July of my 22nd or 23rd year (or maybe even a year or two later. . .) I went to my first pride as a spectator. I was in awe. I didn't stay long, I didn't do much, but it was eye opening to me. It was AMAZING to be in a place with thousands--no tens of thousands---of people who were just like me and who were not going to comment on anything "perverse" I was doing simply by being myself. The next year, I volunteered to do security at pride. That was amazing, too. It was a long, hard day, but I loved it. Again, the feeling that I was among people that were all treated the same way I am, just overwhelming. I continued to visit pride festivities in San Diego and out, for most years since then. But do you know what the most powerful moment of my life is thus far?

One year Cyndi Lauper performed at San Diego Pride. 30,000+ people were there, watching her perform. So many that temporary fences were either taken down or trampled over. One of the last songs she sang there was "True Colors." When the chorus came up, the entire crowd sang with her. Imagine, a crowd of gay people and their friends/families, singing that song. A crowd of 30,000+ people. It was the single most powerful moment of my life. 

So I am not an activist. I don't protest or picket. I don't really pay all that close attention to where gay issues are in the news. ..although wtf if us with Iowa legalizing gay marriage? IOWA? Thought it would be one of the last. Anyway, As a matter of fact, I am not sure I believe in marriage. I think if it passes, and gay people are allowed to marry, well, I think we will be blamed for the collapse of marriage as an institution. And I think that is worse. But I do think it is stupid to take the rights others have from any group of people. I do think they should lift "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" because good people are losing their good job defending our country when they are caught "being gay." Also, who cares? For some reason our society thinks that gayness is all about sex. It's not. Just because a gay man is on a Navy ship, it doesn't mean he will be having sex with every seaman on the boat. Is every straight woman or man attracted to every man or woman they see? NO. So why would it be the same with a gay person? Sheesh. Anyway, I think it's odd that so many christian people, when asked, will say that it's an abomination to be gay (quoting biblical verses that state things about man lying with man as he lies with woman), but isn't it an abomination to think about what any two people are doing behind closed doors? 

So no, I don't picket. I don't even vote half the time. But I do believe that all man was created equal. If I had lived during the woman's right movement (or before woman had them), I probably would have been the same way. I don't really feel strongly enough. Maybe that's because I'm not really all that oppressed. I don't really want to go out and marry right now. Perhaps if I did, I would picket. Who knows? Anyway, that's my little diatribe on being gay.

Oh, and Hi Mom! I'm gay!